Old but still good

I remembered seeing this & searched for it & found so many
variations of it i could not find who to credit for it.
Very funny even if it has been around for a while.
(Qantas is the correct spelling)

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After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems; document their repairs on the form and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots
(marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers
(marked with an M).
(By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
M: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
M: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P : Something loose in cockpit.
M: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
M: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
M: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
M: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
M: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
M: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
M: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
M: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
M: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
M: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
M: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
M: Ca t installed.

And the best one for last...

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
M: Took hammer away from midget

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Gerry